Speak up or not to speak up?

This question never leaves me. I look around me, and I see at least 2 things which may be wrong and need to be spoken about. its not like what i am thinking could be ‘right’, but I see this world being unfair a lot more times than i see it as being fair. It’s not about the analogy of ‘glass always full’ or ‘always half’ or ’empty’. no really, i cant choose to stay positive when i see an animal being neglected, or someone mindlessly bashing and showing his power over someone who cant speak, or throwing trash from a bmw and still carrying the tag of ‘classy’ 🙂 i cant choose to see the sun shine in these situations.

At times, i do speak up and feel a lot better irrespective of the reactions that i get from the other side, but i also spend another 100 minutes thinking about ‘what may happen’ if the person takes it upon him/her to harm me in some way. seriously, i adore people who have enough guts to speak against the wrong doings and stick by with head held up high not worrying about ‘what ifs’. sometimes, being quiet is easier on you and usually leads you to have peaceful days especially for someone like me who spends more hours thinking about what could go wrong than actually spending time in doing something right. a long way to go  to stay true to what you think, feel and do and not second guess your actions. need a lot of faith to keep speaking one’s mind no matter how messed up the people around you are. sticking to the ‘hard and the right thing’ no matter how much you want to go take the ‘easy way out’. believe.

Yet another beginning

 

While on a walk with my pet child this morning, I was transported back to the days when we were constantly on a move hopping from one city to another. I have had a very blissful childhood, I often feel a very strong urge to go back to those days and relive those days in the exact same way. These days more than ever, and there isn’t a thing I would change given a chance 🙂

I keep telling my mother, I have different thoughts when it comes to how a child should be raised in this strange world, usually feeling smug while saying so, but as and how I learn to live in this unfamiliar city we moved to a couple of months ago, believing it would be a cake walk for someone who has moved all her life, i am surprised at my own inability to adjust completely, struggling to keep up with the not so pleasing experiences which make us re-evaluate the move almost every other day.  I often think how did my parents make it look and feel so easy for us – the part which I had foolishly never thought of before. Yes, i have taken up the roles my parents did such a great job at all those years ago, but clearly I am not even half as strong and able as they were when they were the same age as me now.

Leave alone having ‘thoughtful’ ways to bring up a child (fur or human), I believe i have to walk a few more steps (maybe a lot more) to grow up a little to be able to have a life which I had gotten so easily, it’s more about going back to the ‘feeling’ each place gave me. Be it – the waiting by the window for my father to come back from office when the sun was still out at 8.00 PM on a gorgeous July evening in London, or sitting in our room with Silky in Hyderabad reading tinkle comics while my mother cooked our evening snacks in the kitchen, or those sleepy mornings in Jakarta narrating dialogues of DDLJ with my sister, or those baths my mother gave us after playing Holi on a hot March afternoon in Mumbai followed by a simple lunch and sleepy maths problems to be solved for the final exam. Can I feel the same feelings now? Will this city stir the same feelings as the days go by? I struggle. I keep looking. Everyone says home is a feeling and for me it will always be a feeling of being in the new city, when my father is out to work while my mom is working hard to settle us all down not making us realize what it takes to be in a strange city with strange people with two clueless daughters lost in their dream world curled up on the bed with their pet sibling Silky. Yes as I type this, my heart tells me – this feeling is irreplaceable and it will always be a home I will go back to when I feel lost.